Ends and Beginnings. Beginnings and Ends. Or, Rock it, Baby, Rock It!

I'm down to the last 50 pages of edits on my YA manuscript. (Cue loud cheers, put the brownies in the oven, and chill the champagne.) For those of you who've been counting, this is Draft #7.

This book's journey began in September of '09 with an idea. Actually, that's not true. It began with a title. Soon after, I had a fuzzy idea. I pitched it to AA in one short sentence, and she asked to read my first draft when it was done. Six weeks later, I completed the first draft and nervously hit the "send" button. She read it, loved it, and offered me representation. Although it was the fifth novel I'd completed, I had no idea how much work would be involved.

I wrote, rewrote, changed POV, hired an editor, and now, here I am, almost a year and a half later, getting ready to ship off (what I hope will be) the last fully edited draft to AA. As much as I love this ms, I'm starting to get an itch; an itch that can only be scratched by a new story and new characters.

Enter... NEW BEGINNING! (Don't worry. That's not the title.)

I'd previously mentioned that, while on my cruise, I scribbled out the first few pages of a possible new writing adventure. I've got the title and a general idea I hope to pitch to AA soon. I'm excited and terrified about (once again) stepping into the unknown and trusting myself to do the idea justice. In writing, as in life, it's the journey that matters. After all, what's the point of living if not to learn with the curiosity of a child, love with our deepest of hearts, stretch our talents and abilities as far as we can, and eat the most chocolate we can possibly get our hands on?

Art imitates life, so it's no surprise this is a direct parallel to my "real" life. I've been honest about my separation and eventual divorce, because I'm committed to this blog being about my writing journey and my life's journey. This time in my life has been both brutal and exhilarating, but one thing's for sure: every second has been a learning experience. Every tear, every accomplishment, and every new day has provided an opportunity to explore my soul and learn more about who I am and who I'm capable of becoming as a writer, woman, mom, friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, and as a caring, loving human being.

Ends and beginnings. Beginnings and ends. The figure eight of eternity. The endless circle of life where beginnings and ends fade into one.

No matter your perspective, it's all a journey. So, have fun with it, love it, share it, live it, and most importantly, rock it, baby ROCK IT!

And Then There Were Three...

One of the less talked about casualties of separation and divorce are pets.* Less than a year ago, I was slave to six feline captors. Now, I'm slave to only three.

Tiger Lilly and Zoro went to my soon-to-be-ex and Scampy went to a good friend. It's strange watching the dear creatures in your life leave in pet carriers into a brand new life; one you're not privy to, but one you know (hope, pray) is alive and well and filled with other voices, other routines, other pet brothers and sisters. It's odd to know my "babies" now belong to someone else.

I'm lucky my kids are old enough that there were no custody issues. Dealing with custody of our "fur babies" has been difficult enough. I wonder what they think as they leave the only home they've ever known for the last time. I wonder what Dusty, Caramel, and Emma - the cats who've stayed behind - think happened to those who've left. I know they don't think in language like we do, but they do have feelings and are aware of what's going on around them.

After Scampy left on Saturday, I noticed Emma roaming the house seeming somewhat confused. I imagine she was looking for "Uncle Scamp." Where did he go? When is he coming back? Why isn't he playing with me? It's fascinating watching and wondering how life occurs for them. I couldn't help but feel a little sadness for the bonds they had that will never be again. (Ah yes, bonds that were that will never be again...)

Then again, do we ever really know how life occurs for anyone else? This past year has taught me the answer to that question is a resounding, "No!"

So, what to do?

Love those in your life as fully as possible and be as true to your word as you can.

To Tiger Lilly, Zoro, and Scamp: I love you and always will. I think about you every day and hope your lives are happy and fulfilled.

To my dear friends and family: Ditto. ;-))

*Cats appearing in order: Caramel and Dusty (brother and sister) in the kitchen; Emma snuggling with Zoro; Tiger Lilly chilling in the pool room; and Scampy on his throne.

IN OTHER NEWS...
I'm plugging along on edits to Draft #7, hoping this will be the draft that goes on submission. I'm taking my time with it; committed to only one chapter per day. I should be done by the end of the month. Then, off to Awesome Agent for a read-through. From there, who knows? But I know what my goal is: to be published. Again and again and again. Only time will tell. In the meantime, I'm living my dream - to be a writer.

And, really, what else is there in life but to live our dreams?

And the Winner Is............WINTER!

I've raised the white flag. (Or, in this case the red, white and blue one.) I've lost the fight. Winter has won.

In stark contrast to my cruise pictures, here are some shots I took today outside my house. The last one I took inside my house. In fact, I took it inside my oven.

After all, what are snow days for if not for baking brownies?

What are you doing to get through this relentless winter? Any tips involving chocolate will be greatly appreciated.

Seduce Me

This post promises to be short and, oh so very, sweet...

I just read the talented Jody Hedlund's post on first chapters and, like all great posts, it made me think. She asks what it is we look for in a first chapter; what is necessary to keep the reader reading?

It's different for each of us, and varies depending upon our age, gender, mood and genre we're reading. But, generally speaking, when you open up a book, what do you look for?

Mystery?

Excitement?

Challenge?

Romance?

Do you like the action to hit you over the head, or do you prefer it be slow and building?

The answers to these questions might stretch farther than what you look for in a great read. Maybe they're indicative of what you look for in life.

What do you seek in relationships, careers, hobbies, entertainment, vacations? What floats your boat, tips your hat, rings your bell?

In romantic relationships, for example, do you like fireworks straight away or, like a kitten, do you prefer to play with it, bat at it, wait for it to surprise you?

Personally, I like the hint of something I can't quite put my finger on. I like a relationship to build slowly over time. I like the flower to open it's brilliant petals slowly. I prefer to sip a full-bodied glass of wine, breathe in a spicy appetizer, lap at a soothing cup of soup, and THEN enjoy the tantalizing main course. (And if I'm feeling especially feisty, revel in an after dinner drink!)

In other words, in writing as in life, seduce me.

So I'm back to the Velvet Underground... Or, I Went Grocery Shopping and I Liked It

So I'm back to the velvet underground

Back to the floor, that I love
To a room with some lace and paper flowers,
Back to the gypsy
That I was
To the gypsy...
That I was.
Gypsy by Ms. Stephanie Lynn Nicks

Hello, everyone. I'm back! I'm not sure if the PA burbs qualify as the Velvet Underground, but, like Stevie meant in her song, I'm back to the place I love and feel most comfortable, and where I'm learning to live alone again.

Where am I back from? An amazing Caribbean cruise with my kids. Here are a few pics to prove my point.

This first pic is of the beautiful Magen's Bay in St. Thomas.

The second pic is me pointing at a female pirate's booby. Yup, you read that right. Apparently, this nice Irish gal, Anne Bonney, tracked down her runaway husband in the Virgin Islands and murdered him. She also slept with many ship captains and then killed them. She was quite the role model in her day.

Pic 3: Adam & I sharing our first cocktail before we set sail.

Pic 4: Movies Under the Stars on board the Ruby Princess. We watched more football than we did movies.

Pic 5: Ethan, me, and Adam after Ethan's birthday dinner at the Crown Grill - think Morton's Steakhouse at sea.

Pic 6: Ethan and Adam in the Michelangelo dining room.

Pic 7: Ethan - on his birthday! - swimming at St. Maarten after we went helmet diving.

The cruise was filled with many wonderful experiences, including a new book idea. Sitting in the library on board the ship, I watched the ocean pass by and scribbled the first five pages to a new women's fiction story. I'm very excited about it, however, I still have to finish editing my YA novel. According to my editor, this draft may well be "the one" - the final edit before AA takes the book out on submission. So, in order to finish YA Draft 7 and forge ahead on WF Draft 1, I need to get "discipline." Some people get religion, others get milk, I have to get discipline.

Where do I find this so-called "discipline?" Can I save up cereal box tops and send away for it? Buy it on Amazon.com? Find it on one of those late-night infomercials? Is it tucked away next to the gold in the California hills? I'm hoping it's located back in the calm, turquoise waters of the Caribbean, because that's a damn fine place to be. (Which is why, I've already booked my next cruise for later this year!!!)

Along with pondering self-discipline, I learned several important things about myself on this trip:

1) I need to eat breakfast.
I know this sounds like a big, fat "DUH!!!" but I've never been a breakfast eater. My normal schedule is to get up around 8AM and have a protein shake around 10AM. Then, maybe lunch, maybe not, and a big dinner. WHAT an idiot.

So, get this. (To those of you who know me well, you may want to sit down for this next part. Seriously. Consider yourself warned.) What's one of the first things I did after coming home from my trip? I went to the grocery store! (I hear a lot of thuds out there. I hope there are defibrillators nearby.) True story. I went to the grocery story and (same warning applies) I LIKED IT!!! Katy Perry, move over. Kissing girls is nothing. I went grocery shopping and I liked it...

For those of you who don't know me well, I'd rather walk naked in Antarctica or worse, go moose hunting with Sarah Palin in Alaska (where she can see Russia from her house!) than buy groceries.

But there I went. I bought fresh fruit (not the cut-up kind - actual whole melons!!! You can cut them yourself! Who knew?!), brown eggs (from cage-free, vegetarian-fed hens - yup, I'm a card-carrying, liberal tree-hugger), low-fat, whole-wheat English Muffins, and orange-pineapple juice. I also got green and red peppers, cheese, Rosemary crackers, and shrimp (peeled and de-veined) to go with my wonderful red wine habit. (Healthy in moderation, or so me and the Mayo Clinic believe.)

2) My bed should not double as my office. (Don't argue with me. I'm on a roll.)
So, I've chosen to move my lap top down to the kitchen and do my writing there instead of sitting like a lazy bum all day in bed. I also intend to make myself tea. Every day. That's right, you heard me - TEA! (Chai with skim milk and sugar, if you must know.)

For those of you who do know me well, you're probably thinking, "Who are you and what have you done with our spoiled, rotten, lazy, JAP, Debbie?"

Never fear, she's right here; just going through a major life transformation. I'm taking care of myself now. There's no one to blame but me if I'm not as healthy and happy as I can be. And I hate being wrong, so, I may as well try and get it right.

I'm finding taking care of myself is like kissing girls and going grocery shopping.

I like it. ;-)

Thanks to Stephen Powell for the inspiration for this post.

Cheers to 2011!

Another year has come and gone, and what a year it has been. It was, without a doubt, the most difficult year of my life. However, in spite of that, the year was filled with many wonderful moments, a heightened appreciation for family and friends, and much devout soul-searching. These moments and people are part of what have shaped the "me" I am today: richer in spirit; more aware of who I am; more aware of my strengths and weaknesses.

Things I learned in 2010:

• When you're going through hell, keep going. (Winston Churchill)
• Friends and family are the glue of life. (My gratefulness can not be properly expressed in words.)
• There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel.
• I have the stick-to-it-ive-ness to complete as many drafts of my work as necessary.
• Cabo San Lucas is a sublimely beautiful place.
• It's not only okay, but essential to lean heavily on the people you love when you're going through tough times.
• Mumford and Sons are fiercely talented.
• I have the ability to unplug a stopped-up sink! (Who knew?)

What I hope to learn in 2011:

• How to live powerfully on my own.
• How to create an unimagined friendship with my soon-to-be-ex; one that brings joy to me, him and, most importantly, our children.
• What it feels like to have my book on submission and sold.
• How to love my children more and be a better mom.
• What more of my passions are, and how to express them and my current passions in a more disciplined way.
• How to deeply love again.
• How to contribute through volunteering.
• What it's like to hold my new niece or nephew in my arms. (Thanks, Michelle and Travis!)
• What it feels like to stand on European soil.
• How not to be bitter.
• How to be the best possible version of me.

Those are some of my goals for the New Year. What are some of yours?

Our lives are measured, in part, by "years." So, cheers to 2011! Here's to all of us making it one of the best years of our lives.

SUBLIMINAL BIRTHDAY MESSAGE: Or, THE CAKE WAS COVERED IN FRUIT!

Today is my birthday, and I'm officially "old." [Though, not compared to this gal.] This is a milestone birthday - one that starts with an "f" and ends in a "y." [HINT: It's more than 10 and less than a million.]

In my early twenties, I never thought I'd live to see such a ripe, old age due to my status as rock princess. Given that career path, I figured I'd burn out well before the end of my 30's. [People in their 20's are SO over-dramatic!] However, here I am, not feeling much older [or wiser] than I did back then.

Easing the pain of this transition, is the fact that my birthday is shared by some seriously mega-awesome folks. After all, other super-cool people sharing my birthday means I'm super-cool, too, right? [Um, no. Not even remotely.] Here are a few of my A-List birthday-sharers:

• Keith Richards (rock legend)
• Stephen Spielberg (genius movie maker)
  
• Brad Pitt (yum)
• Paul Klee (awesome painter)
• Christina Aguilera (too talented and gorgeous to be human)
  
• Katie Holmes (Tom Cruz's better half)
  
• Rachel Griffiths (Sarah on "Brothers and Sisters")
• Ron White (damn funny comedian)
• Betty Grable (quintessential movie star)
• Brian Orser (Olympic medalist figure skater)

That's a seriously kick-ass group to be a part of, don't you think? [You think you're part of that group? BWAHAHAHAH!!!!]

Due to this "big" birthday, I've been taking stock of my life. [Set up for disaster.] Here's what I've been delicately pondering:

"What is my life for?"
"Have I achieved [even one of] my goals?"
"Where do I want to be in 5 or 10 years?" [Besides napping.]
"Have I been a good mom? Daughter? Sister?"
"What did I do to deserve AA?" (Awesome Agent, in case you don't know.)
"Will I be published before I'm 100?"
"How many minutes has it been since I last ate chocolate?"
"Who stole my Cabernet?"
and
"How long until I lose my teeth and start wearing diapers?"

While in Denver last month, we celebrated my sister, Sharon's birthday. My mom brought out a "cake" that was so beautiful it belonged in a museum next to a Monet. However, it was an impostor cake. By that I mean, it was covered in fruit. Yes, you read that right. THE CAKE WAS COVERED IN FRUIT! [So, it was a fruitcake, like you?] {Yo, SM: That was cruel and unnecessary. I'm old now, which means I can be crotchety and get away with it. I'd watch myself if I were you!} [I'm sorry, did you say something? I was busy listening to the ringing in my ears.] {Grrr! Your dad is a robot and your mom wears fake Ugg boots!! See! I told you I could be crotchety!} [Sorry, missed you again. Am watching House Hunters International on HGTV; retired couple looking for a home in St. John. Fascinating. You should check it out. ]

I looked at the fruit-laden pretend cake and screamed, "Where the hell's the chocolate?" [Clearly, you have no self control.] {Oh, yeah? Well, at least I didn't toss the fake cake across the room and stomp up the stairs like I wanted to! How's that for self-control???} [The rumors I've heard are true. You're beyond help.]

On cue, my mom (the gorgeous woman in the pic with me) brought out a "real" cake - a chocolaty tower of gooey yumminess. What a relief! As we got to the end of the birthday song, I sang, "dear Sharon..." and everyone else sang, "dear, Debbie..." It took me a minute to realize I'd been had. In my family's thoughtful [annoying] way, they'd gotten me an early birthday cake in honor of my "big" [ancient] birthday. I briefly considered asking the cake to marry me, but knew it would be gone before I could say, "I do." So I skipped the nuptials and dug into the chocolate dream like a trapped coal miner trying to free himself. [That's the best visual you could come up with? Horrifying.] {Bite me.}At some point I came up for air and reluctantly shared what was left with my family. After all, I didn't want to be pummeled to death before I actually turned f-f-f-f-f-f, well, old. [Mummy-like]

So, ladies and gentlemen, in honor of my 50th birthday (there, I said it! I'M FIFTY!!!!), I've attached links to two of my favorite things: comedy and music. First, is one of the funniest women alive, Molly Shannon, as Sally O'Malley on SNL, and second is, "Birthday" by the Sugarcubes. How that voice explodes out of such a petite, ethereal, beautiful wisp of a woman is beyond me and proof-positive of the magnificent power of art.

So, Molly and Bjork, take it away!

(By the way, they say 50 is the new 30, but I hope that's not true. For the most part, my 30's sucked.)

And, to all the wonderful Sagittarians out there, Happiest of Happy Birthdays!!!
[Aw, shucks, go ahead and have a drink on me. You deserve it. But if you tell anyone I said so, I'll deny it.]
{See, I knew you had a soft spot somewhere!}
[Luck pushing = bad idea. Let's just pretend we never had this conversation.]
{Okay, teddy bear - mum's the word! ;-))}

Lucky 7? One can only hope.

First of all, please forgive me for my seriously sporadic blog posting of late. I have no reasonable excuse other than I've had other things on my mind. Here's an update of what's going on in my world:

RE: WRITING
Edits are coming back tomorrow from my brilliant editor, so now is (once again!) the calm before the revision storm. In my dreams she'll say, "Oh. My. God. This is the most perfected sixth draft I've EVER read in all my days of editing! You must go, now, and share your sixth draft brilliance with all the world!"

Instead, the communication will likely go something like this: "Great job, Debbie - you're on the right path. At some point, before your kids ship you off to a nursing home, this may even be done! Prior to your Alzheimer's fully setting in, you may actually experience what it's like to be on submission! Isn't that exciting? In the meantime, here's what you need to focus on... You're welcome." Then she'll tap her fingers on the desk and say, "I'm sorry, what are you waiting for? Get back to work!"

So, starting Tuesday, I'll be diving into Draft #7 with full abandon. Lucky 7? One can only hope.

RE: PERSONAL STUFF
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving in Denver was beyond! The mingling of family and friends, great food, and super-celebrations was one for the history books. Here are a few pics.

1) Thanksgiving tables at my sister Sharon's house. More than 40 people attended!
2) Me and my dad. ;-)
3) Me and my mom. ;-)
4) Me and my handsome son, Adam. ;-)
5) My beautiful niece, Devyn, my dad, and me.

Click here for more Thanksgiving pics.

It's been pointed out that I forgot to mention a big part of my wonderful week in Denver included my dear niece and nephew's Bar and Bat Mitzvah. Here's a picture of the fabulous twins:

House Hunting
I'm searching tirelessly for a new place; a place I can call my own that won't hold any of the ghosts - both good and bad - of my past. The search is sometimes invigorating, and sometimes sad. I hate the reason for the search, but I love the possibility of finding a perfect new home - a special place to make new memories.

Here are some of the house-hunting questions that are keeping me awake at night:

• Do I want a newer house without any headaches, or an older place with a bit more character?
• Do I want to live in the same town - a town I love, but that contains places that sometimes trigger sadness and anger?
• Would it be better to move to a new area and get a totally clean start?
• What features are most important to me? (Double sinks in the master bathroom? Small lot vs large lot? Well water vs public?)
• Do I want everything updated, or would it be better to make updates myself to make the place more of "my own?"
• How much room do I need/want?
• What can I comfortably afford?
• What's important for resale down the line?

And most importantly...

• What will my kitties think?
  

The house I'm in now was our "dream house" - the home we worked our whole lives for. I never imagined that less than seven years later I'd be leaving this beautiful place, and certainly not for a home of my own.

However, life sometimes delivers unexpected twists and turns...

A wise woman once told me, "The test of a good marriage is not how you deal with the easy stuff, but how you deal with the hard stuff. Anyone can get through the easy stuff." I think this holds true for all aspects of life. I'm doing my best to keep my spirits up even with Nirvana's song, "All Alone is All We Are" creeping through my mind...

New Car
I'm getting a new car! Well, it's not exactly new, it's a 2008. But, it's a Mercedes. Yup, you read that right. Trust me, I'd rather have my marriage intact, but a Mercedes isn't a bad booby prize.

Yoga
Next week I'm taking my first yoga class in years. It's an hour and fifteen minute private lesson, so it may be the last thing I ever do. (If I never post again, you'll know why.)

Seminar
I'm taking a seminar given by Landmark Education called, "Living Powerfully: A Life that Defies the Predictable." Out of this seminar, I'm committed to creating a powerful relationship with everyone in my life. I'm also committed to being joyful, inspirational, and compassionate or, put another way, I'm committed to bringing joy, inspiration, and compassion to all areas of my life. That's a tall order, but one worth pursuing.

These are some of the ups and downs of my life. What about you? What's new in your world? Don't be shy... spill!

Thanksgiving Kitty Says...

Thanksgiving kitty says, "May your Thanksgiving be filled with family, friends, joy, love, laughter, music, good health, and moments you'll treasure forever." I happen to agree. (Smart kitty. Pretty eloquent, too!)

I'm heading to Denver to be with family for a week. From my family to yours, we hope your holiday is BEYOND!

And the #1 Answer Is... FAMILY & FRIENDS! (Feline captors very much included.)

Thanksgiving is right around the corner, which got me thinking: What are the five most important things in your life? Here are mine:

1) Family & Friends
2) Health
3) Creativity
4) Honesty
5) Laughter

What are yours?

TOP FIVE CHALLENGE:
1) Think of something you could do involving your Top Five.
2) Do it or plan it.
3) Let me know what you've come up with.
4) Smile and pat yourself on the back. (Or, whatever it is you do to yourself when congratulations are in order.)

Also, what are your Thanksgiving plans? I'm going with my oldest son to be with family and friends in Denver. This has been a difficult year for me, but I've much to be thankful for. After all, I've still got my Top Five. ;-)

Novel Birth Announcement

BOOK UPDATE:
I'm about to ship off Draft #6 to my editor (freelance, the novel hasn't gone on submission yet). One year ago, almost to the day, Draft #1 came kicking and screaming into the world. If it had a birth announcement, it would've gone something like this:

PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO THE NEWEST MEMBER OF MY FAMILY!

Name: Can't tell you yet. (Agent will kill me.)

Date: November 17, 2009

Sex: Both

Weight: 1.2 lbs

Height: 11 inches

Width: 8.5 inches

The new baby is WONDERFUL, although it has already caused many sleepless nights and serious self-doubting on Mommy's part. This next year will, no doubt, be filled with numerous bouts of mind-numbing growing pains, causing Mommy to drink wine and eat lots of chocolate chip cookies. (More than usual. Often at the same time.)

In lieu of baby presents, please send chocolate and Cabernet! Or money. Money's good.

Since baby was born, I've written five more complete drafts. That means, reading every word on every page over and over ad nauseum, changing POV, editing, revising, adding, subtracting, and all that goes into subsequent drafts. During this latest draft, I cut out over ten pages, and added thirty more. Raising this baby for the past year has been filled with "first steps" and lots of crying (me, not the baby). BUT no matter how much work it has been, it has always been a "labor" of love.

I'm about to take a breath again as I hand over my pages to my ingenious editor. I'm hoping sometime before my 100th birthday, AA will say, "This effing rocks! Let's take this BABY on submission!" (Of course, by then it'll technically be a toddler, but it would be weird to say, "Let's take this TODDLER on submission!") Alas, I regress. My point is, until AA and I feel this baby's ready to crawl into the world (and set it on fire!), I'll keep working until it's the very best it can be.

Where are you in your writing? What is the most number of drafts you've ever completed on a novel?**

**No, this is not a competition and you won't be receiving any of my prized chocolate. I'm just darn curious.

And, to those of you participating in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month - Goal of writing 50,000 words between Nov. 1 and Nov. 30), I have only two things to say:

1) Good luck!

and...

2) Better you than me. ;-))

Shortest Subliminal Blog Post Ever!

Don't forget to GET OUT AND VOTE [Democratic] TOMORROW!!!