What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger or GO MY LIFE!

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
I didn't believe that for a long time, but now I know it's true. After two years of riding a brutal and unpredictable emotional roller coaster, I can finally say, "I'm happy, free, and stronger than ever." HIP HIP HOORAY! Or as my sister, Laurie, would say, "Go My Life!"

Me (left) w/my sister, Laurie, Cabo, Oct. '10

LIFE IS GOOD
Life is once again beautiful, fun, exciting, and filled with great possibilities. I'm currently:

• Pursuing my music. (Again!)
• Taking yoga classes. (*OM*)
• Going back to school for Criminal Justice. (Look out, bad guys!)
• In a healthy and happy relationship. (Thanks, honey!)
• Taking piano lessons. (Learning how to read music - YIKES!)
• Doing a Communications Course through Landmark Education. (Transformational work is good for the heart, mind, and soul.)
• Finishing edits on my latest book!!! (Can't wait to query again!)

My last "live" performance, Oct. '09

Me & Bobby, April '12

My "new" piano!

TOUGH TIMES?
My advice to anyone going through a difficult time: 

 Me w/some people who love me: Mom, sisters Michelle, Sharon, Laurie, & Dad.

• DON'T GIVE UP on yourself or on life. (Don't let the bastards get you down!)
• LEAN ON PEOPLE who love you. (It makes them feel better, too!)
• LOVE YOURSELF & YOUR LIFE. (There are brighter days ahead!)
• When you're going through hell, KEEP GOING. (per Winston Churchill)
• HANG IN THERE long enough to get past the pain. (You'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel.) 
• You will GET THROUGH IT. (And life will be better than ever!) 

RIDE THE WAVES OF LIFE WITH GRACE
We all experience pain, suffering, loss, anger, jealousy, sadness, and grief. Maintain your dignity and live life with grace. Remember, you are beautiful, precious, loved, and deserve the best life has to offer. If you believe in yourself and follow your heart, you will not be disappointed.

LIFE CAN AND WILL GET BETTER! (I swear, it's true!)

The 3 W's: Writing While Waiting

Writing While Waiting is the one and only thing a writer should do. I mean, besides painting, sculpting, writing songs, or doing anything else creative that calls your soul into being in the world.

What I have to say next may come as a shock to some: I have amicably parted ways with my agent. She's awesome. Keep querying her. You won't be sorry. That said, things just weren't working out for us. So, I'm back in the saddle, aka: querying game, again.

I'm querying my YA novel while immersed in a women's fiction book I feel more connected to than anything I've ever written. I know it's not the PC thing to do to admit such things, but guess what? I don't care. I'm more concerned with and committed to being authentic in my life than I am with what I "should" or "shouldn't" say on my blog.

When I first started this blog in September of 2008, I promised myself one thing: THIS WOULD NEVER SOLELY BE A PLACE FOR "LOOKING GOOD." Instead, it would be a place to express  my artistic and personal lives simultaneously and honestly. I've never regretted this choice.

One thing I'm clear about, and have been clear about from a young age, is this: life is fleeting. The second song I ever wrote was called, "Time Glides By." I was 16, but knew deep down this was true. Now, I'm (much) older and have discovered that (much) younger version of me was right. Life is short. Live it to the fullest.

So, I'm Writing While Waiting to hear back from a select few unbelievably amazing agents. And, if my YA novel isn't the one to gain me new representation, I have little doubt the novel I'm working on will. Over confident? Maybe. But, it's how I feel deep down in my gut.

When you pour your soul onto the page in a deep and genuine way, your life and the lives of others transform. This is the reason I write - to cause transformation in the world - to share what it is to be human - to embrace my life and the lives of others - to generate authenticity within myself and those around me. The possibility of doing this is bigger than the cosmos, brighter than the sun, deeper than the ocean, and sweeter than a newborn (well, maybe not sweeter than a newborn - this is me and my niece, Devyn, in October of 2009 - what could be sweeter than a precious new baby?). The possibility of creating something that touches others is the reason we are alive. It is an honor and a privilege and the "job" of all artists.

So, my friends, share yourselves fully, beautifully, and honestly. In the end, it's all that matters.

Being at Peace

Making up your mind feels good. After a small snag in the home-buying saga, I've decided to stick with Plan A - the townhome. I don't need a big yard or a pool. Everything I want and need is in the beautiful home I've selected floors, cabinets, granite, and paint colors for.

Settlement/closing date is only two weeks away, so this decision is timely, to say the least. The choice is made, but I'm still resisting. I haven't packed a thing. The thought of packing seems overwhelming. That said, I'm not worried. One way or another, me and my stuff will soon be residing in a different locale; one that holds only pure possibility.

This week has been transformational in several ways. First, the house. Then, my writing. Along with packing, I'd been stuck with my writing. I realized I have a story around it that goes like this: When I'm writing, the world is perfect. I have meaning in my life and a reason to get up in the morning. When I'm not writing, I feel worthless and I all I want to do is sleep. I know this sounds overly dramatic, but it's "true" for me. (In other words, it's what I choose to believe.) 

Over these past few days, a dear friend and beta reader turned the creative light back on for me (I'd apparently misplaced the switch), and I'm, once again, forging ahead with my women's fiction novel and finishing up edits on my YA book. Now, my only problem is,that I have to sleep!

Welcome back, muse. I love you. I love my life. It feels good to be at peace.

What do you do when you're "stuck?" Do you torture yourself? Tell yourself you're not worthwhile? Do you sleep, eat, drink, or find some other way to hide from the fact you're not doing what your passionate about? Or, is it okay for you - just part of the process? Spill, people, spill. Your words of wisdom are highly in demand.

Picture above I took in Rehoboth Beach last summer.

I've Come to the Sea or What I Learned on my Autumn Vacation

I had one goal while in Mexico: to leave the past behind and get on with my life. And, I'm happy to report, I achieved my goal.

To sum it up, let me start by saying that when I was around 20 years old, I created a "safe song," meaning whenever I'd hear a song in my head that I hated, I'd replace it with a particular song I loved. It was a way to reprogram my mind. (As a musician, hearing music I don't like is like rubbing salt in an open wound times a thousand. Painful doesn't begin to describe it.) The wonderful song I chose to replace the bad one with was, "Friends" from Led Zeppelin's third album:

I'm tellin' you, now
The greatest thing you ever can do, now
Is trade a smile with someone who's blue, now
It's very easy, it's very easy

Before my vacation, I was watching Jenny McCarthy on Oprah. (Stick with me, I swear this will all come together.) When asked about how she was doing after her split from Jim Carrey, she said, "I've learned so many great lessons. One is, I'm the total hot fudge sundae. If a great guy comes along, then it's like I've got extra whipped cream and hot fudge, but it's not necessary. I'm a complete sundae all by myself." (Or words to that effect.)

That stuck with me, and when I was in Mexico, I was having a conversation with my sister, Laurie, about my "safe song" and the Jenny M. interview.

"You need a safe word!" she said, referring to how my mind kept obsessing about my recent situation. "How about hot fudge sundae?"

And, there it was. Hot Fudge Sundae. Transformation.

Now, every time I go to that dark place I think, "Hot fudge sundae!" (HFS) and snap myself out of debilitating, life-sucking thoughts and back into the present and my infinite blessings. (If you're in a "stuck" place in life, figure out what your HFS is. Trust me, it's the greatest gift you can give yourself.)

Here are a couple of clips from Cabo. The first was taken on our last day there. Laurie and I were sitting by one of the four, magnificent pools at the resort and she was interviewing me about what I got out of the trip. (Now you'll understand the HFS reference!) The second is a poem I wrote while staring out at the sea from my balcony. Again, it's my beautiful sister, Laurie, behind the camera. The lyrics are posted just below the link, and the picture is of a rock we named, "Lion Rock," which is referenced in the poem.

(This is a picture of Laurie and I. I'll be posting more pics from the trip on my FB page if you're interested.)

Here goes:

What I Learned on My Autumn Vacation

I've Come to The Sea

I’VE COME TO THE SEA
I’ve come to the sea to see about me
To feel my great power, to set myself free
I’ve come to the sea to hear the waves moan
To wrap me inside them and bring me back home
I’ve come to the sea where my spirits can dance
On white crests of heaven, on Lion Rock’s past

I’ve come to the sea to leave deep parts behind
Parts that are tainted and haunting my mind
I’ve come to the sea where my heart comes alive
To see through to truth so my soul may survive
I’ve come to the sea where the mystic waves reign
And the magic chants whisper a love I can’t name

I come to the sea where the sun and clouds meet
Rejoice in their majesty, make me complete
I come to the sea when my heart is in pain
A breath that is ancient restores me again
I come to the sea where my soul’s angels fly
And my heart, it is healing, through wondrous tides

I come to the sea to feel myself soar
Awaken my core as the waves kiss the shore
I come to the sea where I find life again
Sand castles beckoning suffering’s end
I come to the sea, on my spirits I call
They hold me up high upon nothing at all

I come to the sea where my soul beats its drum
To a rhythm of tides that cannot come undone
I come to the sea to find much that I’ve lost
To remind me to sing my own song at all costs
I come to the sea to sleep peaceful and calm
To hear the sea’s wisdom, be rocked in its arms

I come to the sea where my mind is at peace
Waves whisper, “Let go, let your soul be released”
I’ve come to the sea where my heart is on fire
Dancing a tango of love and desire
I come to the sea to find truth in a wave
And feel magical, passionate light shine my way

I come to the sea to feel cleansed and complete
To see I am all that I ever will need
I’ve come to the sea where my family dwells
In their vision and warmth I am perfectly held
I’ve come to the sea to let go of the nights
That are holding me back, choking me tight
I’ve come to the sea so at home I can start
To give my love freely to those in my heart
I’ve come to the sea where my joy comes alive
For the sea is the place I’ve adored for all time

JCK. 10.3.10

Keep On Truckin', Baby!

Blog Transformation

First of all, thanks to my dear on-line friend Elizabeth for acknowleging my blog's new and improved look. How do the rest of you folks feel about it? (This is the part where you clap and cheer and yell things like "bravo!" or "Go Steelers!" or "Pass the damn ketchup!") My marketing background likes things to look pretty and clearly represent what's inside the package. My blog agrees, and being the elevated being that it is, experienced its own transformation a couple of days ago. So it and I would like some well-deserved acknowledgement, thank you very much. (I'm a rock goddess and a Jewish American Princess - my ego can never be fully satisfied.)

Keep on Truckin', Baby!

I'm currently in wait mode. I have three requested partials out along with several queries. I'm taking my time with the query process, trying to do my due diligence and vetting in a responsible manner. After the ugly mess the GOP made with Sarah Palin, I think patience and thoughtful reflection are a better alternative. I'd rather have no agent than the equivalent of one with the literary expertise and brains of Sarah Palin. (Sorry, my bad. I should never use "expertise" "brains" and "Sarah Palin" in the same sentence.) I think it's important to find an agent who'll be excited about my work and, therefore, enthusiastically represent me to the owners of Random House over tea and crumpets. (That's how it works, right?)

In the meantime, I'm gonna keep on truckin'. I've got two major projects that will hopefully keep me out of trouble:

1) Writing articles for my new gig as Philadelphia Songwriter Examiner. The powers that be are still working on getting me up and running, but I'm told I should be good to go by the end of this week or early next week. At least four articles per week seems daunting, but I love a good challenge. Plus, songwriting and the music biz are endlessly fascinating - I look forward to learning more about my first love. (Sorry, Chuck. I didn't want to have to break it to you this way...)

2) Birthing a new book. Thankfully, this process is far less painful than the more commonly birthed items. (It's not wrong to call a baby an item, is it?) There's a character in my novel named Bree Lang. She's a gorgeous, rich, bisexual red-head who's an assistant D.A. and is friends with Jenny, my mc. Jenny's jealous of Bree because she gets to investigate all kinds of gory, exciting murders (Jenny's a certified true-crime freak.) I think Bree and Jenny will embark on a murder-in-the-burbs mystery in my follow-up novel. I'm really kinda sorta liking that idea. (Sorry for the highbrow prose. Please try to keep up.)

What about you? What are you working on as we speak?

The ART of Transformation

Transformation

An act, process, or instance of transforming or being transformed.

I'm in the process of fully transforming myself into a published writer. I've just become the Philadelphia Songwriter Examiner (I'll attach the link soon), where I'll write several articles a week on songwriting and the music business locally and in general (yay! and special thanks to Amy for turning me on to the possibility) and I've been bleeding myself dry working 10-12 hours a day going over every word of my novel to the point I can practically recite all 80,000 + words by heart in an effort to make my novel the absolute best it can be. (Given I can barely remember the lyrics to my own songs, this is saying something!)

My book, Sparks Fly Sometimes is about transformation - from a little girl with a dream to a rock goddess to a domestic goddess to a rock/domestic goddess. SFS is an affirmation of dreaming dreams, keeping a marriage alive through good times and bad, surviving the teenage years (your kids, not your own - MUCH more difficult!) and resuscitating dreams you thought were dead and buried. And doing it all with a LOL sense of humor!

I'm also working out regularly at the gym for the first time since I was a cheerleader in high school, transforming my body into a stronger, thinner version of myself. (Never fear. I'll be sure NOT to post any pictures of that bygone era!!)

Transformation can be a simple act. Forgiving yourself. Forgiving someone else. Making a declaration (as in a wedding vow). It can happen in an instant, perhaps in a dream; or as you stare at the ocean mesmerized by the waves, or sit in the mountains listening to the breeze gently blowing through the trees. It can be in a transformational seminar like the Landmark Forum (which I highly recommend) or as a result of a spiritual and/or religious experience or "awakening." Or it can be a process - an ongoing decision to take action in order to move from Point A to Point B.

Recreating yourself - that is the art of transformation.

So, my wonderful blog friends - what are you doing to bring the art of transformation to your lives???;-)

ALSO.... MY FIRST ON-LINE AWARD!!!!

Wendy gave me an award---a really sweet one, too. The Lovey Award is for "blogs that are exceedingly charming. These kind of bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to three bloggers who must choose three more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

THANKS WENDY! Now it's my turn to share the love.

I choose...

Amy
Ray
Joanne