SUBLIMINAL MONDAY! Vlog Virgin No More & Stevie Nicks

NO LONGER A VLOG VIRGIN!

It's true, I've been de-vlowered and, I'm happy to report, it wasn't as painful as people say. If you've not yet viewed my first vlog EVAH, it's the post just before this one. Be sure not to miss it. It's short and sweet and you will thoroughly enjoy it. [It's nearly seven agonizing minutes long. You. Will. Be. Bored. To. Tears.]

Actually, it was much more fun and easy than I thought. [Being a film star is not all paparazzi and Vera Wang gowns. It's hard work, people, hard work!]

I did forget one vitally important ingredient for all writers - an undeniable "must-have," and this was picked up on by a few of my astute readers [You guys don't let me get away with anything, do you? Sheesh!] CHOCOLATE! I know, this should go without saying, but since I stole seven precious minutes of your life discussing all things writerly, it was indeed a horrifying faux pas that I left out the key ingredient to good writing. [Will eat more chocolate today to make up for this unforgivable oversight. There, I feel better already!]

EDITING UPDATE
I'm happy to report, I'm almost halfway through the edits for my YA novel. [No one cares.] I've shaved off over 20 pages of brilliant prose [filler] and, let me just say, "Wow! That's one tough lion to tame!" [I'm fairly certain a second grader could do it blindfolded and on a gummy bear high.] I'm so excited to see the novel tightening up, not unlike a sponge being squeezed of excess water.

See, folks? It's comparisons like that which distinguish the gifted writers from the run-of-the-mill-Joe-Six-Packs. [That sponge thing was without a doubt, the single dumbest metaphor in the history of the written word.]

GRAMMY AWARDS
When I was young, I thought for sure I'd win a Grammy one day. I would have bet my life on it. I even drew a picture of myself accepting the Grammy for Best New Act of 1986. I had on a long, sparkly gown and my hair and make-up were perfect. [The hair and make-up should have tipped me off it was a dream that could never be reached.]

Last night I watched parts of the 52nd Annual Grammy Awards. Given how bad it was, I think I deserve my own Grammy just for watching. This tweet from someone last night sums it up:

"The Grammy Awards Executive Producer is Ashton Kutcher and you've just been punk'd!"

I saw dancers dressed in practically nothing, and heard alot of "music." [How many ways are there to say, "mediocre?"] Where have all the normal bands gone? You know, the ones who could get up on stage with no one but their fellow band-mates and make incredibly great music? [OMG, it's finally happened. I've become my mother.]

For me, the highlight of night was seeing Stevie Nicks on stage with Taylor Swift. [Taylor, you're lovely, but no one compares to Ms. Nicks.]

AMAZING NEWS! LET WORLD DOMINASHUN COMMENCE!
I'm so excited about this, I can hardly stand it. Are you ready? You sure? Okay, here goes. [Breathe in, breathe out, repeat.] I am going to meet Awesome Agent in person in NYC in less than two weeks! SQUEEEE!!!! [The minute she sees me, she'll realize she's made a terrible mistake and run for the hills, or the top of the Empire State Building, which in NYC is a more viable option.] We will discuss, at length, our plans for taking over the world. Then we'll share a yummy dinner and she'll smack me around to keep me on track with my editing schedule. [I hate pain.]

I'll take pics and maybe even do a VLOG. I'm so excited I'm afraid I won't be able to eat for the next 10 days! ["No better thing could happen." Signed, Your Waistline.]

Okay, folks this concludes another AMAZING [Not!] edition of SUBLIMINAL MONDAY. Don't forget to view my fascinating [sleep-inducing] First Vlog EVAH below. I promise you won't be disappointed! [Um, yeah, you will.]

My First Vlog EVAH!

Ok, this is a test, it is only a test. Your comments and my mood will determine how often I vlog. This introductory video is a little long, but there was so much I wanted to share. Let me know what you think! (Please forgive the Grand Canyon-sized bags under my eyes. It was a long day.)

Love Thy Novel as Thyself or What to Save? What to Shave?

Ah, edits. Aren't they fun? Kind of reminds me of getting a root canal or being the last to be picked for a team in school. However, without these dreaded edits, we'd have nothing more than freakish-looking first drafts, laden with poetic drivel and lacking things like "riveting plots," "intelligible dialogue," and "meaningful characterizations."

Mine the Diamonds
I'm deep into my third draft of my YA novel, and finally feel I'm hitting my stride - a stride that will take my black and white sketch to a completed masterpiece. Yes, I know that sounds a bit "puffy," but if I didn't feel I could dig deep and mine the diamonds in my story, why write it?

Love Thy Novel as Thyself
You should feel the same way, too. Love your work profoundly and passionately. No one will or should love your work more than you do. It is that love that keeps us writing, keeps us going in the middle of our first drafts when we want to hit the "delete" key, and it is that love that keeps us from giving up on our long held dreams.

So, what's a writer to do? How do we know what to save and what to shave?
I'm 1/3 of the way through my revisions, and I've cut 13 full pages out so far. That's some serious shaving. It's also some serious saving, since I've kept - in one form or another - 73 pages. My best advice is "trust yourself." If you're questioning a word, sentence, paragraph, scene, or even a whole chapter, delete it and see if the story becomes weaker or stronger. That's why God created the Control X keys; you can take things out, and if you decide otherwise, put them back in again.

For my first two novels, I was so reluctant to eliminate any of my brilliant words, that I had "Outtakes" documents which held onto every, single, precious word I wrote and removed. Now, I save only completed drafts. The thoughts and ideas that come and go in between those drafts are lost in the ether, and I say, "good riddance!" As a writer, and as a healthy human being, you have to be able to let things go.

What are your stories about what to save and what to shave? Do you have trouble killing your darlings, or are you a literary Jack the Ripper? What have you learned from the process?

Vlog update: Found a better deal on Amazon (saved $65!), so I returned my Flip and am waiting for a different one. So, video blogging is briefly postponed.

SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: Olympic Level Writing

Watching Olympic level figure skaters this weekend made me think about my writing. If these wonderful young athletes [16 years old? Are you freaking kidding me? I freaking HATE THEM!] can rise from slumber long before dawn and practice hours at a time from about five minutes after they burst from the womb, then why can't I write for 4-8 hours each and every day? [Because that would assume a thing called "discipline" which, if my bathroom scale could talk, would tell you is sorely missing from my life.]

My main problem is distractions. Annoying phone calls from Stephen King pleading for writing tips [who do you think helped him write, "On Writing?"] and emails from Hollywood film agents needing option and casting advice distract me and get in the way of my precious writing time. [Actual distractions include Twitter, spider solitaire, frequent chocolate breaks, and napping]. I've considered hiring an assistant to field calls from Stephen and Hollywood, but haven't found the spare time to advertise. [BWAHAHA! What would I have an assistant do - surf the internet for pictures of Ashton Kutcher to add to my collection? Hmm, not a bad idea...]

So, in order to step up my writing game to Olympic levels, I've decided to make some changes. After all, you do not become an Olympic champion overnight. Here's my game plan:

1) VLOGGING: I'm going to start vlogging. What is vlogging, you ask? It's video blogging. You'll click on my video and listen to me talk. Isn't that like totally mega-fabulous? [Snore.] I plan to have my first vlog up later this week.

In order to accommodate this leap into modern technology, I bought a Flip Ultra HD. Ain't she pretty? Yes, folks, I'll be imparting vitally important information about writing via the magic of a cell-phone-sized video camera. If you're nice, I may even serenade you with an original song or two. [More snoring.] Let me know what types of things you'd like me to discuss, and be sure to keep your requests G-Rated. After all, my parents read my blog religiously. [2-3 times a year when I visit them and guilt them into it.]

2) NO TWITTER 'TIL NOON!: In order to fully concentrate on my work, I'm not turning Twitter on until noon. Talk about a MAMMOTH sacrifice. [I get up at eleven, so it's really no big deal.]

3) EATING LESS SWEETS: I'm cutting back on my enormous daily intake of sugar. You may not understand how the intricate complexities of less sugar ties in with upping my writing game since this is quite a complicated physiological matter, so let me explain. [I've no flipping idea.] When you take life to a whole new level, you need less sugar. Less sugar = more sustained energy = more and better writing. I swear, this is true. [I made the whole thing up.]

So, there you have it, folks. My new regimen for upping my writing game: vlogging, no tweeting 'til noon, and less sugar. Pretty brilliant, eh? [About as smart as Sarah Palin discussing anything remotely political.]

Although, I think this plan is like totally amazing, dude, my husband's not impressed. Ever since he started training for his first marathon this coming May, he thinks he's all that and a bag of treadmill-shaped chocolate chip cookies Woohoo, big deal, he's running a marathon. [I couldn't run a single block even if a pack of wild wolves were chasing me.] I, on the other hand, am officially in intensive training to be an Olympic-level writer, which is way more incredible than completing a stupid 26.2 mile run. [Are you laughing? Do you think this is some kind of joke?]

So, my dear friends, I'm off to make Olympic-sized lifestyle changes so I can make Olympic-sized literary history. Anyone care to join me? [What? You wouldn't follow me if I were the last person on earth and was dropping $100 bills behind me?]

My special SUBLIMINAL MONDAY gift to you. Click on the link below and enjoy:

Favorite Olympic moment: Torvill and Dean skating their unmatchable dance to Ravel's Bolero, winning them the title of 1984's Olympic winners in ice dancing. Sheer perfection.