Cold Feet or I'm Feeling a bit Verklempt

Let me start by saying, I've loved every place I've ever lived. I also love decorating. I get an obscene amount of joy out of creating the perfect blend of colors, fabrics, and accessories that transform a house into a  home. Like they say, "Home is where the heart is." It's the cradle where your family is rocked. 

Have you ever made a big decision involving a huge adjustment in your life and then, shortly before the shift was about to take place, changed your mind? Well, maybe not completely changed your mind, but seriously doubted your decision? On your wedding day this is called, "cold feet." In the arena of buying a home, I'm not sure what it's called but, whatever it is, I've got it. Bad.

As some of you know, I've been in the process of moving forward with my life after the end of a long-term marriage. Part of that process has involved me finding my own place. After much house-hunting, I decided to have a townhome built not far from my current home (the dream house my soon-to-be-ex and I worked our whole lives for). And it's beautiful. Like seriously beautiful. It's got three bedrooms, two full and two half-baths, a finished basement, a brand new state-of-the-art kitchen, and a gas fireplace; you know, the kind where you push a button on a remote and the fire goes on and off? No heavy logs. No messy ashes. No putting the fire out before you go to sleep. Clean and easy. Pretty cool, huh? 

So, what's wrong, you ask? As petty as this may sound, this beautiful townhome has no yard. That is, unless you call a 10' x 20' paver patio a "yard." And, to make matters worse, it's in the middle of a building with five other homeowners. I know this sounds snobby and spoiled, but I currently live in a McMansion with over an acre of land. I haven't shared a building with other people since I was 20 and, to be honest, I like it that way. That said, I've been house-hunting. Again. Yes, you read that right. And did I mention the settlement/closing date on my townhouse is just over three weeks away? 

Why am I looking at houses again? Because a single family home is better than a townhouse, right? Because the smell of wood burning in a fireplace is part of what makes a house a home. Because I'm confused and not sure where to start this next major chapter in my life. 

Oh, yeah, and one more thing. This next home will be the first place I'll live without my children since they were born.

Don't get me wrong: I'm aware my life is ridiculously amazing. I'm healthy and generally happy. I have an incredible boyfriend, precious family and friends, and enough money to get by for a while. So, what the hell's wrong with me? Why am I second-guessing things? Am I going crazy? No. This is simply what divorce does to you. It makes you nuts; makes you doubt yourself; makes you wonder if you can trust yourself; makes you wonder if you're making the right decisions; makes you wonder if you could or should have done things differently. It causes cold feet, not only about home-buying, but about every major part of life.

I'm somewhat nervous putting this out there for the world to see, but I've always meant for this blog to be about more than my writing journey. Thankfully, for me, the fear of people's judgments lessens as I get older, but still...

So, there you have it. I've got cold house-buying feet, plain and simple. Nothing more, nothing less, right? This is not at all like buttah. In fact, I'm feeling a bit verklempt. To continue with Linda Richman-speak (played by the uber-talented Mike Myers) on SNL's, Coffee Talk, "House buying, like divorce, is neither a walk in the park nor the end of the world as we know it. Discuss."

The Doctor Is In! Or, Five Things to Tickle Your...

Is it just me, or are people awfully cranky lately? I'm sensing a need for a little therapeutic humor, so... THE DOCTOR IS IN! Dr. Debbie, at your service! (FYI, of course, that's me in the picture. Who the hell else did you think it was, some random gorgeous model?)

Okay, here are five things to tickle your bone. I mean, your funny bone. Let's start with a true story:

1) While driving today with my son, Adam, he asked how we used to travel in the olden days - you know, before there was GPS. I told him we used a thing called a "map." I even took one out and showed it to him.

Me: "Look, Adam. Here's Pennsylvania. And over here, that's New York."

Bear in mind, he's 20.

Adam: "I can't imagine going on a road trip using only a map. That's insane!"

Um, yeah. We were a bunch of crazy lunatics driving around the freeways willy-nilly, crashing into each other, fender benders, head-ons, going south in the northbound lanes, you name it, we did it. How we ever got from Point A to Point B using only pictures in a big, unwieldy book in nothing short of a miracle. "Where the hell is GPS?!" we subliminally screamed in perfect unison. INSANITY I TELL YOU, INSANITY!

2) Anything on Funny or Die, but here's my current favorite: Bush's Letter to Obama.

3) Margaret and Helen - Two elderly women with wicked political wit and wisdom. They've had over two million hits. You read that right, TWO MILLION!!!

4) My husband and I are getting a little too into Bill Hader's imitation of Keith Morrison of Dateline NBC Fame. Oooohhhh!

5) And, of course, one of the funniest SNL clips of all time. Hint: It's something in a box...!

Check these funny things out, and then come back and tell me I put a smile on your face. I admit it, I need the reinforcement. It's not my fault, I'm the firstborn of four girls.

Laugh, people, it's good for the soul. It's also the best medicine. And, I'm pretty sure it's a universal language. ;-)