SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: All Aboard for Understatement City!

I'm happy to report, SUBLIMINAL MONDAY is alive and well, taking the world by storm, leaving no prisoners, and is as tasty as a triple-scoop, hot fudge ice-cream sundae without the nasty calories. [Only my parents, husband, BFF, and annoying neighbor down the street read these silly SM posts]. 

This brings me to another important point: for the record, SM stands for SUBLIMINAL MONDAY. Please don't confuse it with S and M, which is another conversation entirely. [Not that I'd know, I swear, Mom.]

Problem is, SM's popularity makes me worry no one will read my blog on any other day of the week. [So what else is new?] It also makes me sad for the thousands of unpopular Monday blogs. I mean, who will talk to them in the halls before gym class, carry their books, or ask them to Prom? [YA novelists are delusional. They believe high school never ends.] Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled so many people are inspired by this secretive form of communication. It's just that it's a heck of a lot of pressure to keep up the funny week after week. [Keep up the funny? What the hell kind of jackass phrase is that? That is SO not funny.]

For this SM, I thought I'd give you a recap of my week. [This is when sane people click over  to Twitter or nap.]

MY NOVEL

As you know, I got my edits from Awesome Agent last week and am happily [tediously] working my way through my mss for the third time. I have to say, I freaking LOVE this book! [Conceit, especially unfounded, is so unattractive.] I'm hoping this revision will move me closer to submission, and that makes me so excited I could scream. [Terrifies me to the point I barely remember my afternoon chocolate.] I've got until the end of February to complete the work, which should be plenty of time to edit 240 pages. [And by "edit," I mean playing 4-Suit Spider Solitaire ad nauseum."]

NFL FOOTBALL

Did you watch the games this weekend? Weren't they exciting? [Snore.] Good luck to the Saints, Vikings, Colts, and Jets. If I tell you who I'm rooting for, I'll have to kill you. [Jets & Vikings] Although this week's games were a bit lopsided, next week's AFC and NFC championship games should be positively THRILLING! [Watching butter melt would be thrilling compared to this week's games.]

THE GOLDEN GLOBES [Code name for Mariah Carey's Enormous Breasts]

Hollywood stars think they're all that and a bag of Mrs. Field's chocolate chip cookies with their fame, endless amounts of money, and fairy-tale lives. Who in their right mind would want that kind of shallow, meaningless life? [Raises hand.] I am, however, glad that Sophia Loren (75), Helen Mirren (64) and Meryl Streep (60) showed up looking smoking hot, because let's face it: I'm not getting any younger. ["All aboard!" said the conductor, "For Understatement City."]

And "Avatar' winning best picture? WHAT a shocker! [Even Julia Roberts couldn't feign surprise.] Who'd expect James Cameron's work of art [expensive remake of every Disney movie ever made] would win over movies with original stories and great acting? [Everybody.] Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Avatar. Mind-blowing special effects, 3-D glasses, tall blue people, good vs evil [or, as James Cameron spins it, GOP vs Libs]; what's not to love? But, Best Picture? Feh! [Yeah, you heard me, feh!]

MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY

Martin Luther King, Jr. was and always will be a great American hero. His life was inspirational. He taught us to stand up for what we believe in and that peaceful change is possible. There will always be civil rights to fight for [gay marriage], and I'm grateful to have MLK to look to for inspiration. Let's each take a moment to thank him and those like him for being the change we wish to see in the world. And let's each take baby steps to become a little more heroic ourselves. Because I've been to the mountaintop...

And please don't forget to donate and keep the people of Haiti in your thoughts and prayers. [Donate what you can, send good wishes, and be compassionate to those in your life.]

NOTE: Sorry, all, but I've got a freaking spammer, so I've turned the word verification back on. I know it's an annoying pain in the arse, but nonetheless... Have a sparkly day!

Would You Like Some Cheese with Your Whine?

Whine and Cheese

I'm sorry, I'm going to be doing some 'splaining here, Lucy. Not EXplaining, COMplaining. Of course, I have no business complaining at all. After all, Dusty's home, mom's doing GREAT (thanks again for your magical good wishes), I'm warm, pampered, well fed and dry. Too bad about the Eagles, but I'm really a Jets and Broncos fan anyway, so I won't pretend to care. Plus, I've got way more important things to compain about...

Would somebody please step up to the plate and finish my editing for me? Thanks. I owe you.

OK, I admit it, I'm starting to be a big pain in my a**. Usually others hold that esteemed place of honor (husband? kids? woman on express lane at Target with more than 10 items?) but now I'm filling it all by myself. My wonderful copy editor suggested I resuscitate some of the "dead babies" I've relocated to my Outtakes file. Damn her. She's right, again, which just means more work for poor, little, 'ole me. The good thing is the roller coaster ride that my word count is on will, once again, be barrelling upward. The bad thing is, or maybe I already mentioned this, more work for poor, little, 'ole me. (Do you feel sorry for me yet? No? OK, how about this:)

Babysitting over 40 - Good Idea or Reason for Drinking Poison? You Decide.
Chuck and I babysat for my cousins this weekend, girls, aged 7 & 4. (They left one hour and twelve minutes ago, but who's counting?) My kids are boys aged 19 & 17. There's a teeny weeny little difference in energy levels between 17 and 4. Seventeen? "I'm spending the night at Andrew's. See you tomorrow." Four? "Weee! Watch me run around in circles until I'm so dizzy I fall down and then I'll chase the cats around the house and then I'll jump on the bed and then I'll watch a video and can I have some water? Cereal? Pop Tarts? Cake? Weeeee! Let's watch Hamster on a Piano on You Tube fifty more times! Weeeee!" Can you say exhausted?

I made Adam and Ethan promise they'd NEVER have kids as long as I'm alive. My mother was shocked when I told her this. "Debbie," she said, "you're AMAZING with kids!"
"Was amazing, mom, was."

It's true. I used to love little kids. I was the poster child for "Woman Holding Baby and Loving It." That woman, I'm afraid, is dead and buried. Not that I don't love my cousins, don't get me wrong. They're the cutest things you'll ever see, talented, brilliant, filled with unending curiosity (and did I mention, energy?) and could beat my sorry a** in a spelling bee any day of the week. However, what few kilowatts I have in this ever-aging body I need to store away for my writing. Why can't they understand that?

MLK and GWB - Two Sets of Initials that Should Never Be Used in the Same Sentence
First of all, God bless Martin Luther King, Jr., may he rest in peace. And, secondly, we must be doing something right because in less than 24 hours we'll have a president with a brain bigger than an acorn and compassion for something other than his own personal bank account. Thank God this eight-year long frat party is over!

How was/is your weekend and how do you feel about the upcoming inauguration?