I've Come to the Sea or What I Learned on my Autumn Vacation

I had one goal while in Mexico: to leave the past behind and get on with my life. And, I'm happy to report, I achieved my goal.

To sum it up, let me start by saying that when I was around 20 years old, I created a "safe song," meaning whenever I'd hear a song in my head that I hated, I'd replace it with a particular song I loved. It was a way to reprogram my mind. (As a musician, hearing music I don't like is like rubbing salt in an open wound times a thousand. Painful doesn't begin to describe it.) The wonderful song I chose to replace the bad one with was, "Friends" from Led Zeppelin's third album:

I'm tellin' you, now
The greatest thing you ever can do, now
Is trade a smile with someone who's blue, now
It's very easy, it's very easy

Before my vacation, I was watching Jenny McCarthy on Oprah. (Stick with me, I swear this will all come together.) When asked about how she was doing after her split from Jim Carrey, she said, "I've learned so many great lessons. One is, I'm the total hot fudge sundae. If a great guy comes along, then it's like I've got extra whipped cream and hot fudge, but it's not necessary. I'm a complete sundae all by myself." (Or words to that effect.)

That stuck with me, and when I was in Mexico, I was having a conversation with my sister, Laurie, about my "safe song" and the Jenny M. interview.

"You need a safe word!" she said, referring to how my mind kept obsessing about my recent situation. "How about hot fudge sundae?"

And, there it was. Hot Fudge Sundae. Transformation.

Now, every time I go to that dark place I think, "Hot fudge sundae!" (HFS) and snap myself out of debilitating, life-sucking thoughts and back into the present and my infinite blessings. (If you're in a "stuck" place in life, figure out what your HFS is. Trust me, it's the greatest gift you can give yourself.)

Here are a couple of clips from Cabo. The first was taken on our last day there. Laurie and I were sitting by one of the four, magnificent pools at the resort and she was interviewing me about what I got out of the trip. (Now you'll understand the HFS reference!) The second is a poem I wrote while staring out at the sea from my balcony. Again, it's my beautiful sister, Laurie, behind the camera. The lyrics are posted just below the link, and the picture is of a rock we named, "Lion Rock," which is referenced in the poem.

(This is a picture of Laurie and I. I'll be posting more pics from the trip on my FB page if you're interested.)

Here goes:

What I Learned on My Autumn Vacation

I've Come to The Sea

I’VE COME TO THE SEA
I’ve come to the sea to see about me
To feel my great power, to set myself free
I’ve come to the sea to hear the waves moan
To wrap me inside them and bring me back home
I’ve come to the sea where my spirits can dance
On white crests of heaven, on Lion Rock’s past

I’ve come to the sea to leave deep parts behind
Parts that are tainted and haunting my mind
I’ve come to the sea where my heart comes alive
To see through to truth so my soul may survive
I’ve come to the sea where the mystic waves reign
And the magic chants whisper a love I can’t name

I come to the sea where the sun and clouds meet
Rejoice in their majesty, make me complete
I come to the sea when my heart is in pain
A breath that is ancient restores me again
I come to the sea where my soul’s angels fly
And my heart, it is healing, through wondrous tides

I come to the sea to feel myself soar
Awaken my core as the waves kiss the shore
I come to the sea where I find life again
Sand castles beckoning suffering’s end
I come to the sea, on my spirits I call
They hold me up high upon nothing at all

I come to the sea where my soul beats its drum
To a rhythm of tides that cannot come undone
I come to the sea to find much that I’ve lost
To remind me to sing my own song at all costs
I come to the sea to sleep peaceful and calm
To hear the sea’s wisdom, be rocked in its arms

I come to the sea where my mind is at peace
Waves whisper, “Let go, let your soul be released”
I’ve come to the sea where my heart is on fire
Dancing a tango of love and desire
I come to the sea to find truth in a wave
And feel magical, passionate light shine my way

I come to the sea to feel cleansed and complete
To see I am all that I ever will need
I’ve come to the sea where my family dwells
In their vision and warmth I am perfectly held
I’ve come to the sea to let go of the nights
That are holding me back, choking me tight
I’ve come to the sea so at home I can start
To give my love freely to those in my heart
I’ve come to the sea where my joy comes alive
For the sea is the place I’ve adored for all time

JCK. 10.3.10

SUBLIMINAL MONDAY: Writing Without a GPS or Where's My Confounded Muse?

This past week has been tough on me as a writer. [Cue violins, sad faces, and crying babies.] As you may know, I've changed my book from 3rd person POV to 1st. For the most part, I've been thrilled with the change. That is, until I got stuck.

During this, the fourth draft, I've done a great deal of rewriting vs editing. In other words, knowing the story from beginning to end, I've taken on rewriting it from the perspective of my main character (mc). I love her to death, but she's one tough cookie. [Writing Tip: Never use cliches in your novels. Only on your blog posts. *grin*]

Turns out, she had other plans for the direction of the story. Not a totally different outcome - I mean she and I were still driving to the same destination - she just decided it would be fun to take a detour. (Some people prefer the back roads to the highways.) Problem was, she didn't give me any warning and I didn't have a GPS. [And, according to my darling husband, I suck at all things electronic.]

My mc grabbed the wheel, turned the car, and left me at the controls.
"Wait!" I screamed, "I don't know where we're going!"
She laughed. "I know. Too bad for you. Guess you better figure it out before we end up hopelessly lost, or worse yet, crash the car!" She laughed again, put her ear buds in, blew a giant bubble, and tuned me out completely.

Damn teenagers.

So, what did I do? [No one cares.] I picked my husband's brain, emailed Awesome Agent, and prayed to My Mysterious Muse. [Twist on Led Zeppelin's THE CRUNGE: I'm just trying to find my muse. Has anybody seen my muse? Have you seen my muse? I ain't seen my muse. Where's my confounded muse?]

What were the results of all my worry? Nothing. Nada. Zip, zero, zilch. I begged my mc [in lieu of Jesus] to take the wheel, but she wasn't talking. Her lips were sealed. If nothing else, she's an expert at keeping secrets. So, I put my faith in the process.

At four o'clock in the morning, I woke up and sat straight up in bed. I had my answer. I clicked on my computer and started writing. I went back through my ms and changed what I needed to in order to make the story work. My Mysterious Muse had come through. [It sure as hell wasn't my bratty, teenage mc! Oh, no, she was having WAY too much fun laughing at me and watching me suffer. Beyotch!]

My point? When you have a problem with your ms, when you hit a wall, run out of steam, want to cash in your chips, etc, [God, I love cliches!] let it simmer. Think about the problem every which way you can, and then let it go. Trust in The Universe - trust in The Process. Most importantly, trust in yourself and your talent.

And to my mc I say, "Sorry, babe, but my maturity trumps your teenageyness every time." [Okay, what I really said was, Neener, neener, neener, you can't catch me!]

Channeling the Music of the Gods

Lacking Culinary DNA

OK, I'm a total failure. Instead of baking a chocolate cream pie for Thanksgiving, I brought a store-bought chocolate cake. I know, I know, I'm pathetic. I have to admit, though, my chocolate cake was a big hit. Even still, I felt like a total loser. I don't know what it is about the kitchen that scares me so. I would be so much better off if I could come to grips with the fact that I'm lacking culinary DNA and happily go through life canteen-free. But, every now and then the apron-clad devil on my shoulder whispers that I'm capable of working in the kitchen. You'd think by now I'd have learned to ignore this cruel and taunting voice. However, my motto in life has always been, "where there is life, there is hope." Clearly, I need a new motto. How about, "If you can't stand the heat, why is there a kitchen in the house?"

Screamers

Right now, I'm sitting in our music studio listening to my husband, Chuck record my son, Ethan's, band. Their music is hard core metal. What I'd like to know is, when did screaming become an acceptable vocal method? John Lennon did some pretty awesome screaming back in his day, but it seemed to compliment the music as opposed to fight with it. I must be getting old, but I just don't get it. It's scary to hear my parents words coming out of my mouth. In high school, they'd hear me listening to Led Zeppelin and say, "How can you listen to that crap? Why is the lead singer screaming?" For the record, Robert Plant was not screaming, he was channeling the music of the gods.

India
My deepest sympathy goes out to all touched by the tragedy in India. What an indescribably horrible drag. I hope that there will come a day when senseless death and destruction will no longer be a part of the human story. Until then, please join me in praying for peace and healing to those who need it.

Shalom. Peace.